Friday, October 03, 2008

Sigmund Freud Owned Real Estate ?

Sigmund Freud Owned Real Estate ?
or Conquering Tenants & Toiletitis

By: Claude W. Diamond J.D.

I needed help really fast !!
I knew that I would never achieve my lifelong goal of financial independence as an investor unless
I faced my greatest fears. I sought out the best doctor in the field to assist in a diagnosis of my
problem. Yes, this was my moment of truth. I knew that I suffered from the heartbreak of
Tenants & Toiletitis.
I entered my doctor’s office and proceeded to lie down on the couch and get comfortable. The old
doctor with the tiny spectacles resting on his brow glances at his notes and begins to ask me
questions concerning my illness.
Doctor: (Mit ein German accent.) So Herr Diamond how long have you been aware of these deep
feelings of hatred and resentment for your Tenants and Toilets ?
(I glance at my toes on the end of the couch and begin my tale.)
Me: Well, Herr Doctor, it all began years ago. I read this book about a guy who turned $1000.00
into $1,000,000, so I started on my quest to get rich quick in real estate. The trouble is that the only
thing that happened quick was my money disappearing!
Doctor: And then what happened?
Me: I began buying foreclosures and fixer-uppers. I rented my favorite condo to Gomez and
Morticia Santanowski (AKA: the Tenants from Hell.) They were a landlord’s worst nightmare.
They would not pay the rent on time and then not at all while simultaneously trashing the place. The
worse part was that the tenant friendly courts would not evict them for six months. This experience
cost me a fortune. Another example was the tenant who decided that cats were such good company
that he would have eight of them minus a litter box! Then who could forget the one tenant who
decided to paint all the walls (even the ceilings) black with the thickest latex available and put up
black lights as a shrine to Jimmy Hendrix! I even tried the paper business, but I couldn’t find
enough deals to buy a Slurpee®. Doctor, at this point in my career I even have attacks every time a
Carlton Sheet’s infomercial comes on the television. Can you help me ?
Doctor: People will go to great lengths to avoid the traditional way we are taught to make money in
real estate because of all the hassles faced with management, the acquisition, financing and so on. In
reality, all of us suffer from an acute form of tenants & toiletitis. The only cure is for you to
discover the Lease Purchase Alternative. Imagine if you could be involved in real estate full time or
part time working from your home office. You could make more money up front than you ever
dreamed about in every transaction without worrying about the bank or qualifying. There are no
maintenance or rent collection hassles. Imagine the possibilities. No more postcards or chasing real
estate agents on the merits of creating mortgages or trust deeds.
The Lease with option to purchase will allow you to control good homes, in good neighborhoods
without the need for capital investment and will generate positive cash flow. Further there is no
adversarial relationships between you and the property owner and the tenant/buyer. It’s Win/Win
for everyone.
I feel quite certain that working with this methodology is the prescription to cure your tenant &
toilet psychosis. So Herr Diamond how do you feel now ?
Me: (Jumping up from the couch.) Great Doc! I am completely cured except for one thing.
Doc: What is that my boy ?
Me: I still have my attacks during the real estate infomercials. I had better get back on the couch.
Doctor: So, Herr Diamond, did your Mother hate tenants & toilets, too ?

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